The number of children who are described as ‘picky eaters’ seems to be huge. So many desperate parents dread mealtimes which become battle fields, with children resorting to tears, spitting out food, vomiting, throwing food on the floor and so on. Parents fluctuate between clownish behaviours (‘Look, here comes a chook-chook into the tunnel …’), angry orders (‘If you don’t eat you can’t have a story’) and their own emotional tears of despair.
Why is feeding children such a problem? Often children start out by taking their solids happily but typically begin to refuse food around the age of one year. The trouble starts with visits to the clinic or paediatrician and the child’s weight, head diameter and other measures are seen not to match the charts used to gauge ‘normal’ growth.
So is the problem our expectations created by perceptions of normality or the child’s seeming urge to starve themselves and suffer poor health throughout life?
It might well be our perceptions that need adjusting if you believe Dr Carlos Gonzalez. His book isn’t new but it certainly carries a comforting message to families who are concerned about a reluctant young eater.
To start with, Dr Gonzalez remind us that children typically show a slowed growth rate at around one year and may remain small eaters until puberty – when they change and suddenly turn into ravenous fridge raiders.
He also challenges the emphasis placed on growth charts. The percentile curves are drawn up according to statistics and don’t necessarily ‘fit’ the weight or height gain of an individual child. Instead of fretting about each meal, allow your child to dictate what and how much she will eat. If, after a couple of days, her weight has not dropped by 1 kg, you’ll know there is nothing to worry about.
Basically, the message is that babies don’t eat because they don’t need to or they are full. Certainly he advocates breastfeeding until the age of 2 years and if children are receiving breast milk, they don’t actually need much in the way of solids. He believes that breastfeeding should be on demand and reminds us that breastfed babies will not accept solids as willingly as those who are bottle fed.
Babies tell you they are not hungry by non-verbal communication. Typically they will:
- Turn their heads away and close their mouths
- Accepting the food, chewing it a little bit and then spitting it out
- Vomiting it up
Solids introduced at six months is advocated, but rather than present a dishful of food, offer a variety of foods at each meal. Don’t worry if they peck at one or more foods like a bird, they will be gradually becoming accustomed to the texture, smell and taste of the foods and benefit from taking in a few calories.
In brief, he lists some rules for food (p.112) as follows:
- Never force a child to eat
- Breastfeed exclusively for 6 months and then continue for 2 years and beyond
- Offer solids at six months, after breastfeeding. Bottle-fed babies should be having 500ml of formula a day
- Start with very small amounts of food (the tip of a teaspoon), without too many new foods at a time
- Limit foods containing gluten (i.e. give very small amounts)
- Drain cooked food
- Don’t add salt or sugar to foods
- Don’t be in a hurry to introduce allergenic foods, such as dairy, eggs, fish, soy, etc.
The book might be a refreshing and comforting approach to a problem that is enormous in many of our young families. Older parents often take a more relaxed approach to ‘picky’ and reluctant eaters. In fact, I’ve heard many interesting stories about such children. One concerns a young boy with a very restricted diet of virtually nothing but pasta and chips who developed into a keen and accomplished young cook after puberty, producing gourmet meals complete with a variety of vegetables!
The book might serve to encourage moms to feel better about the feeding situation. I’ve inserted the cover of the book, which is available from amazon books and kindle
Our sense of identity – meaning the knowledge of who we are – and liking who we are comes from all the people in our world. We get to know ourselves at first from what others tell us. If we sense we are liked and hear others say positive things about us, we start believing that we are worthy and feel good about ourselves. The opposite, of course, is true too. If we hear time and again that we are not good or not coming up to expectations, we can’t develop positive opinions about ourselves and will feel bad about who we are.
This all starts very early in life. You might think a baby is too young to be taking anything in but it might surprise you to know how much an infant picks up from our behaviours and words. All this is stored on an unconscious level and forms the foundation of a child’s belief about him or herself. It also affects the child’s perception of the people in the world and whether or not the world itself is a good or bad place to be.
Clearly the most important people are those on whom the child relies for nurturance. These are usually the parents but can obviously also be caregivers, grandparents, child-minders, babysitters and older siblings.
Sometimes parents believe they should behave towards their children in the same manner their parents did and tend to revert to less than positive parenting. It isn’t true that we have to repeat the mistakes of the past. Many of us might have faced negativity and lack of caring during our early childhood but we need to try to make changes to our thinking to ensure that our own children meet with a positive, loving approach. A good self-esteem is truly a gift that we receive from others and can lay the foundation for later success in life.
Essentially, there are three easy steps to follow that will help provide a positive environment for your child:
- Practice being able to maintain positive facial expressions and body language. Children can read your face and will do so when they are looking at you.Make sure you smile a lot; make sure your expression is one of approval and love rather than censure. Body language counts as well. Hug your children; put an arm around your child; pat his or her head or shoulder, or physically draw the child towards you. Negative body language consists of gestures that push your child away from you, or suggest withdrawal, like crossing your arms when facing the child, taking an angry, defiant stance, and pointing a finger. Shaking your fist at a child, tapping angrily on a table top or baring your teeth in anger will be perceived by a child as unloving and threatening. Such a child will feel unloved and threatened.
- Use a positive and loving tone of voice.We sometimes forget that rather than the content of our verbal message to a child, the tone of our voice conveys important messages too. Harsh, irritated tones are negative and can often be accompanied by sarcasm and criticism. If you aren’t sure, think of the tone of voice you use when speaking to your boss. This is the same tone that you should use when speaking to your child. You shouldn’t be speaking in nicer tones to people you don’t know – your family needs the same courtesy.
- Make positive statements or affirmations.Have you heard about a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’? It’s well known in education where children who are aware that their teachers approve of them tend to do better than their potential might suggest. On the other hand, bright children do less well than they should due to their lack of belief in themselves, mirrored in the attitudes of their educators. So our children will become that which we expect of him or her; our child will achieve what we believe he or she is capable of doing or achieving. In order for this to happen, we need to convey positive beliefs in the child. “I know you can do it!” “You are wonderful!” “You are capable and smart!” “You can be anything you want to be!” “You are a winner” are examples of affirming language.
Too often, when a child presents with a learning difficulty, we focus on prior teaching and send them for remedial help to catch up on missed steps in the learning process. This is not often successful – or only partially. Another factor that plays a huge role in preventing or causing learning problems is self-esteem. A negative self-esteem plays havoc with a child’s ability to perform in school because he won’t have the confidence to do well and the belief that he is capable of doing well. A good self-esteem makes us proud of ourselves and our achievements and develops a belief in our capacity to succeed.
Content summarized from the book “Solving your child’s reading problems” by Ricki Linksman. Published by MJF Books.
We’ve heard about ‘toxic offices’ and how they can affect those who work in them. But what about our school buildings – and our homes? Many schools in this country were built a long time ago, and some still cause problems related to the use of asbestos and lead in construction and paints, poor plumbing, sewage inefficiencies, inadequate ventilation, termites and more. Can they be playing a role in the often bewildering behaviours shown by some children (and you, of course)?
Do you find that your child copes better with schoolwork at home than during the school day? Do they (or their teachers) become angry or cry/show emotions more easily at school than at home? Why does their behaviour get progressively worse from Monday to Friday then improve remarkably by Sunday evening?
Dr Doris Rapp practiced environmental medicine for many years and her legacy to us includes some outstanding books. She found that over the years, a growing number of children seemed to routinely feel unwell. They may react with hyperactivity, show fatigue or misbehave. Some may express their difficulty in being able to think clearly at school.
There are many factors that may cause Environmental Illness (EI). Amongst the most prevalent are poor air quality, particularly due to excessive dust or moulds or to chemical pollution in or around a building. Other factors include foods and seasonal pollen. EI is a name for an assortment of medical problems that can affect many areas of our bodies. For example, year-round stuffiness or watery nose, repeated fluid build-up behind the eardrums, chest congestion leading to asthma, ‘growing pains’ or aches in the head, back, neck, muscles or joints that aren’t related to exercise, tummy aches, nausea, bloating, bad breath, persistent bowel problems like constipation, and ‘winds’, problems with bladder control, itchy skin, night sweats, irritating twitches. Accompanying these may be a wide range of behavioural and emotional problems, ranging from leg-wiggling to depression.
Many of these symptoms that affect a child’s school performance negatively may be misdiagnosed and ‘treated’ with an activity modification drug such as Ritalin. Before going this route, consider whether the child may be at risk for EI due to having an immune system that is not functioning as well as it could. Many highly susceptible children have:
A history of health problems, sometimes dating back to infancy
- A characteristic facial appearance often with dark rings, puffiness or wrinkles under the eyes, red ears, a ‘spaced out’ expression and more
- Certain behaviour patterns such as temper tantrums, meltdowns or withdrawing depending on time of day or following certain foods
- Sudden, inexplicable changes in how they feel, look, act, write or draw
- An erratic inability to learn or remember
Finding out the causes of such behaviours can lead to making simple changes in school and home. Even changing the chemicals used to clean school bathrooms can bring about positive results. Allergy diets can be followed to identify and then eliminate foods as well as improving nutrition generally. Possible yeast infections can be treated and even probiotic treatment can be used to improve immune system health.
EI makes a significant impact on individuals and should not be ignored. Teachers may suspect their environment if they find an increase in skin irritation, inexplicable fatigue and constant drowsiness. If this describes you, consider whether you work is a dusty school or a recently renovated school that are subjected to much chemical use during construction. Prompt treatment can help diminish learning problems in children as well as prolonged periods of ill health and discomfort in their teachers!
Content for this article from the book ‘Is this your child’s world? By Doris J. Rapp, MD, puished by Bantam Books.
The field of neuroscience is peppered with information about the strong links between movement and learning. We know through science that early movements are crucial for brain development and recently, more and more studies are appearing to support the view that children need movement to learn efficiently.
In spite of this, schools seem to be determined to limit opportunities for movement, both in classroom settings and in the school time-table. Most teachers are scared to introduce movement breaks into their classrooms for fear of discipline problems and losing control; schools are pushing for even longer times spent sitting at desks engaged in academic tasks. It seems that the fear of poor performances in standardised tests is part of the reason for the ever increasing pressure on children to learn skills through more academic time – including time spent on piles of homework.
South Africa spends a fortune on education. Despite this, the academic performance of our learners lags far behind the rest of the world. The additional time spent on academics at school and at home does not seem to be improving matters.
More importantly, if we deny our learners the chance to engage in movement during the school day and afternoons at home, we are depriving them of a vital and necessary ingredient of childhood. Children love to move; they need to move. Those who cannot sit still are labelled as disruptive, hyperactive or some other popular label. Many young children are presenting with anxiety, developmental delays and depression.
I do not believe that so many of our children are so incapable of learning skills and acquiring knowledge. Those who report to Integrated Learning Therapy (ILT) practitioners are found to be bright and capable but very often not learning ready. Those children have not had the chance to develop the neural networks needed for efficient learning. The reason may well be because they were and still are deprived of the movement opportunities needed for this to happen.
It is time for pre-school educators to face this challenge and introduce brain-developing movements into their daily programme. ILT has carefully worked out programmes for them to follow – designed because we are passionate about ensuring that our young learners succeed at school. These movements prime the brain for learning.
Two examples of the significance of movement:
It helps to understand the role of the ‘movement centre of the brain’ in learning. The area of brain responsible for coordinated movements is called the cerebellum. This is also known as the ‘little brain’ at the base of the big brain (the cerebral cortex). Although it might look very much smaller, it is incredibly densely packed with brain cells. Nerve cells (neurons) do not all run from the cortex to the cerebellum so that the brain can ‘order’ the cerebellum to move the body around easily. Instead, most of the cerebellar neurons are outbound, meaning that they travel from the cerebellum up to the cortex. In terms of brain function, this means that during learning, information is sent to the cerebellum, where the absorbed information is processed, practiced, timed, rehearsed and corrected before it is sent back to the areas of the cortex that are responsible for the motor response or action. In other words, when we learn a new word, the action is to say or spell the word; when we learn a new maths skill, the action is to perform the skill by solving a maths problem. This shows that the cerebellum is an area crucial to the learning process. All new information passes through the cerebellum before it becomes a learned skill or new piece of knowledge.
Secondly, we need to understand the role of the sensory motor system.
We use our senses to help our brains ‘know’ what is going on in the external world. The media these days publishes many articles about how a child needs good sensory integration in order to be able to pay attention and learn. It is fairly obvious that our senses of sight, hearing, touch and so on have to be functioning well so that we can absorb learning events. But sitting for long periods of time does not stimulate all the senses. Listening to a teacher’s voice might stimulate the auditory system but this is one of the least developed senses in a young child! Compare this to a child who is playing outside. Actions such as swinging, sliding, building sand castles, playing catch, skipping rope and so on, engage multiple sensory motor systems at the same time. These actions are firing neurons that are similarly needed in paying attention – a crucial ability in a classroom.
We need parents and teachers to join forces to encourage a change in all our classrooms and time-tables. Movement needs to be a major focus during the school day – rather than be seen as a misbehaviour.
Your child’s school may have requested that you arrange for an IQ test to be done, possibly along with a fuller educational assessment – most often by an Educational Psychologist. We usually understand the reason for and content of tests to determine reading, maths and spelling ages, but many parents are unsure of the nature and reason for the ‘IQ’.
The letters IQ stand for Intelligence Quotient. The test is the most common method to measure intelligence and its value lies mostly in its ability to predict a child’s chances of school success fairly accurately. Most school subjects require those mental skills and knowledge that are tested by the items comprising the IQ battery of subtests.
IQ tests are based on statistics and the child’s results will reflect her academic abilities as compared to other children of the same age.
The average IQ score is around 100 but a ‘normal’ or ‘average’ IQ can fall anywhere between the scores of 71 – 129, being further divided into ‘below average’ or ‘above average’ if nearing these scores respectively. The two extremes would be IQ scores of less than 70 and more than 130. Children falling into these extremes would account for roughly 2.5% each of the entire population of children. They are described as ‘special needs’ children because on the one hand, having an IQ score of under 70 may suggest that academic success will be difficult to achieve, while an IQ score of over 130 places one in the category of ‘gifted’, meaning that academic potential is extraordinarily high. Children in both these categories need special help with their widely differing educational, social and emotional needs
Typically, IQ scores can be used to predict future scholastic levels although this type of prediction can be misleading. Many children cope with high levels of education due to determination and perseverance. However, for the sake of clarity, here are the widely accepted levels
IQ over 110: The individual should be capable of a university or other tertiary education
IQ between 90 – 110: Capable of completing secondary education and beyond
IQ between 80 – 89: Capable of completing High School or a technical education
IQ between 70 – 79: May have difficulties in High School
IQ below 70: Needs special education
IQ tests are conducted by trained psychologists who are qualified to administer these tests. Most IQ tests consist of two broad parts: a subtest which tests verbal skills such as vocabulary and general knowledge and a performance subtest which tests visual, motor and spatial skills.
tests are believed to be unreliable below the age of six . Between the ages of 6 – 18, test results are fairly reliable but may fluctuate depending on environmental factors such as exposure to languages (especially the language used to test), learning opportunities and family support. The average child may have an IQ score that varies by up to 15 points during the ten years or so of schooling. This is why IQ scores should not be taken too seriously in spite of its importance as a predictor of later scholastic success.
What IQ tests can’t measure
IQ tests can’t determine success in life. Success depends on a combination of intelligence, social skills, endurance and even a healthy dose of chance or opportunity. An IQ represents only the chances of a child’s achieving in the academic sphere. It cannot predict or substitute for attitude, motivation and interest. In addition, it can’t test for specific talents such as musical or artistic potential, physical prowess, creative thinking, leadership and social skills.
In short, it can be used as a helpful tool in understanding more about a child’s academic potential but falls far short in defining the essential nature of the child. We are all far, far more and less than our IQ scores may suggest!
If a child has learning difficulties, an IQ score will almost certainly be required. The results cannot, however, fully explain the reasons for the challenges he or she experiences at school
Children with learning disorders often have trouble with anxiety, especially with tasks related to schoolwork. Being asked to read aloud, given tests, having to start a creative writing exercise can all trigger anxiety, which causes the child to freeze, show restlessness or even become agitated. This is why it is sometimes difficult to tell the difference between anxiety and the behaviours associated with ADHD. If a child has difficulty focusing, anxiety may follow attempts to try; on the other hand, anxiety makes it very difficult to focus.
What is anxiety? Briefly put, it is a concern or worry about something vague and not necessarily connected to anything specific. In a very simple sense, it is the feeling that one’s safety or well-being is threatened. Most children experience anxiety. In the younger years, they may be anxious about being separated from their parents, or fear the dark, barking dogs, or thunderstorms. As they grow, concerns about their school performance may cause anxiety or social relationships. As adults, we can laugh at our childhood fears and anxieties because we’ve developed the ability to view youthful worries in perspective. But most children don’t have the mental maturity and experience to shake off feelings accompanying concerns like “What if I’m not invited to the party?”, “What If I can’t answer the question when it’s my turn?”, “What if I’m not chosen for a team?” None of this is abnormal. Anxiety becomes a problem if it interferes with the child’s normal living. A child who refuses to go to school because of anxiety regarding her ability to cope needs help.
True anxiety can affect up to 10% of young children and it’s not always easy to know what the cause is of the anxiety, or when your child is feeling anxious. This is why anxiety has been called the ‘silent affliction’ because even young people are able to hide their anxiety from others.
Anxious children tend to show specific problems. They
- Find it harder than most other children to calm themselves when faced with a stressful situation
- They seem unable to make plans to cope with their anxiety
- Even when they do come up with a plan, they become discouraged very quickly and give up
- Even when they are succeeding in reducing their anxiety levels they tend to disregard their success
When anxiety is triggered, we all show typical physical reactions: shallow breathing, increased heart rate, sweaty palms, tense muscles, feeling faint or nauseous and so on. Being in the grip of such bodily responses to perceived threat means that the brain is unable to think clearly, making it impossible to reason with the child or comfort them with words. Helping children who are in the grip of anxiety includes teaching them to calm themselves down again. Some children may react well to techniques such as deep breathing, using a punching bag or aerobic exercise.
Once they are calm, you might help them think of creative ways of handling the anxiety – even imagining a special, private, ‘safe’ place (real or imaginary) to which he can retreat to regain calmness.
Failure to use the chosen way of coping shouldn’t be allowed to discourage progress. Constantly boost the child by encouraging daily practice and perseverance, and point out to them any small steps they may have made in overcoming the effects of their anxiety.
Children will experience anxiety uniquely and also react in her own individual way. Many children do find it calming to be able to describe their anxiety, what they think is causing it and its effect on them. For this reason, adults should listen carefully and try not to make any judgements. Telling a child that he ‘doesn’t have to feel anxious’ and that his fear is ‘not real’ is not helpful. Being a good listener and showing the child that you understand her fears and feelings is called ‘reflective listening’ and is a powerful helping tool.
With anxiety being so rife amongst our younger population, it may not always be possible to help the child yourself. Parents and teachers should be on the lookout for signs of anxiety and, if need be, look for help for the child.
Here is a list of 10 signs that your child is at risk of anxiety:
- Perfectionism/rigid, inflexible behaviour
- Constant meltdowns
- Withdrawal (from activities and/or interactions)
- Excessive or unusual procrastination
- Sleep problems
- Excessive defiance
- Disturbance of eating habits
Don’t overlook the possibility of anxiety playing a role in your child’s school performance. It could be one of the reasons for a child failing to thrive at school.
From: Dacey, J.S. & Fiore, L.B. Your anxious child. Published by Jossey-Bass.