What is ILT?
If you are reading this, the chances are that you have a child who is struggling at school. Maybe he or she is finding it difficult to master skills such as reading, writing, maths or spelling. Maybe he or she can do all these things but comes home with reports about unfinished work, or work left at home.
The teacher complains about her being disorganised, untidy or even aggressive towards other children. Or maybe she is described as being unfocused and a daydreamer who never seems to listen. And maybe you agree with the teacher because you see the same behaviour at home.
Labels such as ADHD, Dyslexia, Auditory Processing Problems, Sensory Processing Disorder are mentioned. What’s going on?
Is your child having trouble falling asleep? This seems to be a common problem – especially around the ages of 10 – 14 and one that worries parents as we all know that children need to get a proper night’s sleep.
The literature available suggests that one of the more successful approaches to the problem is to ensure a bedtime routine. This is especially effective if a child’s sleeping problems can be traced back to habits the child has developed that interfere with good sleep.
The first step would be to check to make sure your child’s routines are sleep-friendly. For example, one of the best ways to ensure healthy sleep is setting a consistent wake-up time and sticking to it. The wake-up time doesn’t have to be exactly the same time every day, but it should be within a two-hour window.
Although it may seem helpful to let children sleep in on the weekends, it actually disrupts their internal clock. That makes it much tougher to get back into a weekday sleep routine on Monday. Sleep deprivation then gets worse during the week.
Also, consider your children’s use of electronic devices before bedtime. Many tweens and teens have televisions and computers in their bedrooms. They keep their cellphones close by at all times. These devices can make it hard to disengage from stimulating activities.
For the best sleep, children should turn off all electronic devices at least 30 to 60 minutes before bedtime. This gives the brain time to relax and wind down, making it easier to fall asleep. It is strongly recommend that computers and TVs be kept out of a child’s bedroom. It is best for cellphones to be shut down and stored in another room at night.
Children should avoid any food or beverages that contain caffeine or sugar at least two to three hours before bedtime. Daily exercise and other physical activity can aid sleep. But have them finish those activities at least two hours before he goes to bed. Also, even if they are sleepy during the day, encourage them not to nap. Naps do more harm than good when it comes to getting good sleep because they often make falling asleep at night harder than ever.
For some children, when they lie down at night worries and concerns creep into their minds, making it hard to relax and fall asleep. To help clear their minds, it may be useful for them to take a few minutes before bedtime to write down anything that’s on their minds or tasks they need to do. Once they are on paper, sometimes children are better able to let their concerns go and get to sleep more easily.
Although it is not a common condition, another source of a child’s problem could be a sleep disorder related to the workings of his internal, or biological, clock. The most common such problem with tweens and teens is called delayed sleep phase syndrome. Children who have this sleep disorder are “night owls.” According to their internal clock, their day is longer than 24 hours. As a result, they tend to fall asleep at progressively later and later times each night and then have difficulty waking up in time to go to school.
It is important for your child’s sleep problem to be addressed. Too little sleep can make it hard for a child to concentrate and pay attention at school. It can lead to mood swings and irritability, and can increase a child’s tendency to accidents.
Try to first address any habits that may be interfering with your child’s sleep. If changes in bedtime habits don’t help, make an appointment to see a sleep specialist in case he or she has a sleep disorder.
The content of this post was sourced from the Mayo Clinic.
Food allergies, sensitivities or intolerances can play havoc with a child’s ability to benefit from teaching. Before we go into this, let’s clarify what causes food (and environmental) allergies and sensitivities.
Genetics seems to be an important factor in the risk of developing allergies. It seems that children with (true) ADHD who have food allergies are also likely to have parents with similar problems.
Nutritional factors are also significant for the development and severity of all forms of allergy. When a child has less than adequate nutrition, his immune system cannot function as it should and is more likely to misfire when faced with various stressful elements in the digestive system. For example, children with deficiencies of omega-3 are more likely to suffer allergies; deficiencies in magnesium and zinc are also know to promote allergic responses. The overall quality of the diet may also play an important role. Too much processed, stale, chemically altered or nutritionally depleted foods may well promote an allergy.
Another factor is toxicological stress. Children who are regularly exposed to pesticides that are toxic to the immune system, heavy metals (lead, mercury, cadmium), plastic residues and solvents may be more prone to allergies.
Developmental markers may also play a role. Breastfeeding may significantly reduce the risk of later developing food allergies. Ideally, babies should be breast fed exclusively until at least six months of age – longer if possible. The reason for this is that a young infant’s gut is naturally leaky and for a good reason. Large molecules, for example the antibodies in the mother’s milk, can cross through the gaps to enter the baby’s bloodstream to protect her from infection while her immune system is still immature. This is a vulnerable time and if other molecules enter the blood, the developing immune system may see them as threatening and becomes non-tolerant of them. This is exactly why mothers are encouraged to not only breastfeed but to carefully and slowly introduce solid foods one food at a time, starting with foods least likely to generate an allergic response. This ‘educates’ the baby’s immune system and helps the body develop a tolerance towards each food as it is introduced.
Intestinal parasites are worth a mention as well as they may also cause upsets in the digestive system and underlie the emergence of allergies. For this reason, regular treatment is advised for the whole family and not just for the fur children!
Non-food allergies such as hay fever can raise the severity of food allergies. If these types of allergies are particularly active in some months of the year, such as Spring, pre-existing food allergies may become more predominate at the same time.
When the immune system is not involved in a child’s reaction to foods, we refer to them as having a food intolerance. Knowing the difference is important because it will impact on the success of treatment. The most frequent reason behind food intolerance is inadequate digestion of particular nutrients. Lactose, or milk sugar, is probably the most common example of an intolerance due to digestive difficulties.
Take a long, serious look at your child. Sometimes allergies and food intolerances show up in his or her physical appearance. Some children can show a characteristic ‘spaced out’ or even an almost ‘demonic’ look when they suddenly become impossible. These looks can sometimes be accompanied by sounds such as throat clearing or clucking. This last noise is typical of a dairy or milk sensitivity. Some slur their words or begin to speak very rapidly. A few children whine or repeat the same phrase over and over. In addition, they may develop a hoarse voice or red ears or cheeks after exposure to a certain food or chemical.
Other signs include dark rings under the eyes, which can be grey, black, blue and even reddish. Nose rubbing, skin-scratching, wriggly lets, small horizontal wrinkles under the eyes and facial twitches and tics are very common in some children.
Abnormally rosy cheeks are particularly characteristic of allergic children between the ages of two and four years (and of adult women who have multiple food or chemical allergies).
Some children show hives, which look like mosquito bites or more generalized rashes.
And lastly, a bloated or abnormally large abdomen may also be a sign of problems – not always of a food allergy or intolerance but possibly of a yeast infection or parasites in the gut.
Next week we’ll continue this theme and describe the behaviours that so often accompany food intolerances – and are mistakenly thought to be ADHD, oppositional or even defiant behaviour caused by mental disorders.
Parents and teachers alike will agree that children who struggle at school usually feel bad about their academic abilities. Most of them will certainly have some emotional problem related to the learning difficulty.
While this is probably considered to be a ‘known fact’ amongst educators, another fact, gleaned from practical experience, is that the priority seems to be on the diagnosis and remediation of the learning difficulty or disability. The need to address the emotional aspects takes a backseat.
The way emotions and learning difficulties or disabilities interact is a complex subject and not always easy to unravel. Essentially, there are some guidelines to keep in mind:
- Emotional distress may be caused by learning difficulties.Learners who fail to thrive at school may suffer from anxiety, depression, loneliness and low self-esteem – especially regarding their academic abilities
- Learning difficulties may aggravate social and emotional functioning.If a child struggles with mental processing that is severe enough to cause a learning problem, they may experience problems in nonacademic areas as well. This typically shows itself in behaviours that don’t conform to the child’s social environment. The result is escalating emotional concerns such as feelings of being misunderstood, sadness and anxiety – all on which may already be present because of the learning problem.
- Emotional issues can disguise a child’s learning disability. This may happen if the child resorts to defiant behaviours such as ‘acting-out,’ distracting behaviours such as being the ‘class clown’ or complaints about physical ailments.Adults’ focus might be on the undesired actions and the learning difficulty could be overlooked.
- Emotional issues may aggravate learning difficulties.Constant failure to succeed at school may lead to stress or feelings of inferiority which can intensify the learning problem. A child who, for example, consistently struggles with certain academic tasks may decrease the child’s ability to pay attention and concentrate on the work.
- On the other hand, a child with learning difficulties who enjoys good emotional health may find it easier to cope with challenges. This can enhance school performance.
This last finding emphasises the importance of ensuring that children with a learning difficulty or disability are well supported emotionally and socially. On the positive side, parents and teachers usually do try to understand the complexities of the interaction between emotional functioning and learning difficulties. Most do try to ensure that the help the child receives is not limited to academic remediation.
Content for this post was based on an article entitled ‘Understanding children’s hearts and minds: Emotional functioning and learning disabilities’ written by Jean Cheng Gormon and available at: www.idonline.org/article/626292/?theme=print.
“WE’VE TRIED EVERYTHING – NOTHINGS HELPS, NOTHING MAKES THINGS BETTER”
“I JUST DON’T KNOW HOW MANY MORE MEALTIMES LIKE THIS WE CAN TAKE…”
These are real quotes from parents who felt like they had come to the end of the line in terms of finding solutions to their child’s picky eating. The internet can be a fantastic source of support for parents, but there are so many articles out there, often offering conflicting advice. It can be really hard to know what to trust, and sometimes, too much information can just feel plain overwhelming.
Recently I came across Jo Cormack who specialises in childhood eating challenges. She gave me permission to reproduce this article. I would earnestly suggest that you visit her website and take advantage of the help she and her team offer. Details are at the end of this post.
You’ve had your child’s weight and growth checked and it’s all fine. You’ve ruled out physiological causes of their eating issues, like allergies or physical problems with chewing or swallowing. Everyone tells you that they will grow out of it; that it’s only a phase! – Just put the food in front of them and wait for them to eat it, because “they won’t starve”.
But for some children who are extremely wary of unfamiliar foods – the ones who cling to their safe foods like a life raft in a stormy sea, and who really, truly need to know that the food they are offered is firmly within their comfort zone; these children need a bit more help. I call these children cautious eaters.
No amount of gentle (or forceful) persuasion, bribery, creative presentation or talk about the nutritional benefits of food will convince a genuinely cautious eater to eat something that they don’t feel comfortable with. In fact, research shows that trying to encourage children to eat can actually make their picky eating even worse.
Serving cautious eaters foods that they don’t feel okay with in the hope that they will eventually get hungry enough to relent and eat something, can end in several terrifying days where children simply don’t eat. This is deeply distressing both for them and for you. Not to mention dangerous.
It is so tough on parents when they don’t know what their next move should be. We can deal with pretty much anything if we feel that we know what we need to do, and we have the support required to do it. There is nothing worse than that feeling that you know your child needs your help, but you’ve simply run out of ideas.
I understand this anxiety and desperation: The urge to feed and nourish our children is one of the strongest instincts a parent has, and to be honest, most of the parents who reach out to me are already at a very low point with their child’s eating… sometimes things have to get to rock bottom in order to ignite a change.
Help is at hand
I want to share an incredibly valuable strategy that I use in my clinical work when I feel that a child’s picky eating is caused by a genuine fear of unfamiliar and disliked foods. It is all about laying the foundations for helping a child enjoy a varied diet, by teaching them to tolerate unfamiliarity.
Before I get into what this strategy looks like, I want to explain a little bit about how anxiety can be be at the heart of a child’s eating issues, because seeing your child’s eating through this lens can be a complete game-changer.
CHILDREN CAN BECOME ANXIOUS ABOUT FOOD FOR MANY REASONS:
- Perhaps they have sensory processing issues and their experience of eating certain food is so overwhelming to them that it is actually frightening
- Perhaps they have a naturally cautious and anxious temperament; for them, an unfamiliar food (just like an unfamiliar situation or person) can be really challenging
- Perhaps they have got into the habit of using their eating behaviours as a way of feeling in control. The idea of not being in control of their eating may be very scary as it takes a coping mechanism away from them
- Perhaps they are not used to being offered foods that they don’t know and like. If parents consistently stop offering foods at the first signs of rejection, children quickly learn to fear the unfamiliar
This is not an exhaustive list of the reasons why a child may be anxious about disliked and unfamiliar foods. But it has a common theme:cautious eaters feel safe when their food is familiar and unsafe when it is not. If they are expected to eat foods which are not on their safe list, this is extremely anxiety-provoking.
Laying the foundations for change: a 3 step approach to helping your cautious eater
1) Empathy.Before you can truly be there for your cautious eater, you need to try to understand how it feels to be in their little shoes.
It can be a bit of a shift of mindset to understand that your child’s response to food is not ‘bad behaviour’ – that it doesn’t necessarily fall into the categories of boundary testing or (developmentally normal) struggles for autonomy that run-of-the-mill picky eating can often be understood as.
Your child isn’t trying to get attention, they are simply really, really scared of foods which are not on their safe list. Especially for children with an unusually high degree of sensory sensitivity, the experience of eating foods that are challenging in terms of taste, texture, appearance or smell, is just so intense.
Many young children can’t verbalise these fears. They may act out, and express their feelings through aggression or alternatively they may withdraw. The first thing you need to do in order to help them is acknowledge that their anxiety is very real indeed and is not a choice. Research is increasingly linking anxiety in children to eating struggles. However hard it may be to imagine being scared of the wrong brand of crackers – appreciating that your child’s reactions may be anxiety-driven can be very powerful.
2) Make sure that you have a good understanding of your role in relation to feeding your child. You may well already be familiar with Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility (DoR) model. If not, you can learn about it on theEllyn Satter Institute website where you will also find a very useful downloadable pdf about DoR. There are also lots of great articles written by feeding professionals about how DoR can help your family, like this article from Natalia Stasenko or this oneby Sarah Remmer, which includes a fab kitchen printable. If you are more of a book worm than a blog reader, this short, accessible bookby Katja Leccisi, provides a great overview of how to understand your feeding role.
3) Teach your child to expect variation.This is the killer strategy that will make all the difference. You are seeing things from your child’s perspective, you have educated yourself about your role in relation to feeding your child. But you are stuck, because your child will only accept a limited list of foods.
You need to begin to teach your child to accept and expect the unfamiliar, in the context of their safe foods.
Much of my work with picky eaters draws heavily on cognitive behavioural therapeutic theory. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) teaches us that if we avoid something we are scared of, that fear becomes stronger. If we confront our fear and manage to do something that is outside of our comfort zone, the fact that nothing catastrophic happened – it didn’t give rise to a traumatic experience – tells our brain to produce a slightly smaller anxiety response next time that situation comes up.
A key aspect of successful exposure therapy is about making sure that you set people up to succeed and not fail. This makes sense if you thing about it; if you try something scary and find that the outcome is very upsetting because the goal was just not realistically achievable, you reinforce your urge to avoid that situation and your fear increases.
Setting your child up to succeed
You need to introduce variety in a way that will be manageable for your child and which they will not experience as intimidating. You do this by drawing up a list of their safe foods and devising teeny weeny baby changes to the foods on the list. These changes are not meant to be hidden from your child; we’re not talking about sneaky changes that they may not notice as this erodes trust and will defeat the object.
The kind of baby steps I’m thinking of, are ones that your child will both notice and cope with. For example, if your they like plain pasta, take a pasta shape that you know they usually accept and cut it in two (when it’s cooked… cutting dry pasta is no mean feat).
Combination and deconstruction
I use the twin concepts of ‘combination’ and ‘deconstruction’ as a jumping-off point for devising tiny changes to your child’s safe foods. Combination is all about pairing two safe foods in a way that is new for your child, and deconstruction is literally about taking food apart and re-presenting it in a slightly altered form.
For this strategy to work, you need to understand that you have a lot of work to do before your child is even ready to try new or disliked foods, BUT that there is plenty of room for manoeuvre within the context of their safe foods. Some children will naturally be confident eaters, but cautious eaters need to learnfood-confidence. And they need to learn it from within their comfort zone.
How this strategy works in practice
At meals, introduce a tiny change to one of your child’s safe foods. Don’t draw attention to it, just make it available to your child. Don’t praise them for eating it; this may increase pressure and fuel anxiety. Just remain focused on keeping your meals relaxed and upbeat. Perhaps initially try introducing change to their best meal of the day. For example, many picky eaters do best at breakfast – perhaps your child has toast. Cut it into fingers rather than squares. If they like raspberry jam, try sieving it before you put it on their toast so that the texture is very slightly different.
Laying the foundations for change (by helping your picky eater get used to unfamiliarity via constant tiny changes to their safe foods) will set the scene for the longer term task of introducing variety into their diet. It can take weeks – months even – for children to begin to feel comfortable with unfamiliarity. Introduce it at their pace, tune in to them and their responses.
You need to be patient, you need to be persistent and you need to be creative. Above all, you need to be in it for the long haul. But every time your child eats one of their safe foods in a new and different form, you are inching incrementally closer to giving them a positive relationship with food that will last a lifetime.
Jo does add a caveat to this advice. She says that the approach is very effective but only once your family’s mealtime dynamics are right (meaning that meals are family occasions where the conversations includes all members) and when optimum feeding practices are in place. If not, these ground rules need to be attended to first.
For parents wanting to know more about how to parent in relation to picky eating, Jo hasVisit a new membership site which you could link to: https://jocormack.lpages.co/your-feeding-team-sign-up-now/. She has a formidable, experienced team ready to help you.
Visit her website at www.jocormack.comto learn more.
Our sense of identity – meaning the knowledge of who we are – and liking who we are comes from all the people in our world. We get to know ourselves at first from what others tell us. If we sense we are liked and hear others say positive things about us, we start believing that we are worthy and feel good about ourselves. The opposite, of course, is true too. If we hear time and again that we are not good or not coming up to expectations, we can’t develop positive opinions about ourselves and will feel bad about who we are.
This all starts very early in life. You might think a baby is too young to be taking anything in but it might surprise you to know how much an infant picks up from our behaviours and words. All this is stored on an unconscious level and forms the foundation of a child’s belief about him or herself. It also affects the child’s perception of the people in the world and whether or not the world itself is a good or bad place to be.
Clearly the most important people are those on whom the child relies for nurturance. These are usually the parents but can obviously also be caregivers, grandparents, child-minders, babysitters and older siblings.
Sometimes parents believe they should behave towards their children in the same manner their parents did and tend to revert to less than positive parenting. It isn’t true that we have to repeat the mistakes of the past. Many of us might have faced negativity and lack of caring during our early childhood but we need to try to make changes to our thinking to ensure that our own children meet with a positive, loving approach. A good self-esteem is truly a gift that we receive from others and can lay the foundation for later success in life.
Essentially, there are three easy steps to follow that will help provide a positive environment for your child:
- Practice being able to maintain positive facial expressions and body language. Children can read your face and will do so when they are looking at you.Make sure you smile a lot; make sure your expression is one of approval and love rather than censure. Body language counts as well. Hug your children; put an arm around your child; pat his or her head or shoulder, or physically draw the child towards you. Negative body language consists of gestures that push your child away from you, or suggest withdrawal, like crossing your arms when facing the child, taking an angry, defiant stance, and pointing a finger. Shaking your fist at a child, tapping angrily on a table top or baring your teeth in anger will be perceived by a child as unloving and threatening. Such a child will feel unloved and threatened.
- Use a positive and loving tone of voice.We sometimes forget that rather than the content of our verbal message to a child, the tone of our voice conveys important messages too. Harsh, irritated tones are negative and can often be accompanied by sarcasm and criticism. If you aren’t sure, think of the tone of voice you use when speaking to your boss. This is the same tone that you should use when speaking to your child. You shouldn’t be speaking in nicer tones to people you don’t know – your family needs the same courtesy.
- Make positive statements or affirmations.Have you heard about a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’? It’s well known in education where children who are aware that their teachers approve of them tend to do better than their potential might suggest. On the other hand, bright children do less well than they should due to their lack of belief in themselves, mirrored in the attitudes of their educators. So our children will become that which we expect of him or her; our child will achieve what we believe he or she is capable of doing or achieving. In order for this to happen, we need to convey positive beliefs in the child. “I know you can do it!” “You are wonderful!” “You are capable and smart!” “You can be anything you want to be!” “You are a winner” are examples of affirming language.
Too often, when a child presents with a learning difficulty, we focus on prior teaching and send them for remedial help to catch up on missed steps in the learning process. This is not often successful – or only partially. Another factor that plays a huge role in preventing or causing learning problems is self-esteem. A negative self-esteem plays havoc with a child’s ability to perform in school because he won’t have the confidence to do well and the belief that he is capable of doing well. A good self-esteem makes us proud of ourselves and our achievements and develops a belief in our capacity to succeed.
Content summarized from the book “Solving your child’s reading problems” by Ricki Linksman. Published by MJF Books.